Being Happily Single

At my age, I never expected to be alone. I thought I would be happily married and enjoying life. But here I am single, but happily enjoying life. I am amazedly happy and content where I am at this moment. The one thing that I am realizing is there is a reason why I am alone at this time. I know that I never have to settle for just anyone anymore, because I have dealt with self esteem issues. I no longer need someone to define me.

I sat thinking this morning that there is a reason why there have been failed relationships. It dawned on me that everyone is not meant to come along on my journey. As a matter of fact, some of the relationships I have been in have hindered me from achieving some of the things I have wanted to do earlier in my life. I have put my dreams and aspirations aside for a long time hoping to find that one that will love me and care about me. That's easier said than done.

At this point, looking back, I have to say I am happy that some of those relationships failed or just never got started. They would not be able to handle this journey I am on right now. Would they even be on a level playing field for me? Would they be supportive or happy for me? I really do not think so.

Letting go of those toxic relationships has helped me start to live the way I need and want to live. I am starting to flourish and pursue my dreams because I don't have negativity around me. I now understand that whomever comes into my life at this point, will be a heck of a person. They will be able to travel with me on this journey with no problems at all.

So sometimes we just have to be thankful that we are no longer with some people. They are not meant to be there with you at this time. Everyone has a season and some should not have had a season at all. Start to take care of your well-being and love yourself and you will never have to accept a relationship that does not give you what you are looking for.

Heaven Awaits - Repost

This is something I wrote in 2008. It is good to look back and see how far we have come. I did not post this on this blog, but it is something I wanted to repost. You never know who needs some encouragement.

Heaven Awaits - January 22, 2008

Today I opened the survey results for the name choice for the non profit I wanted to start through Tranquil Elegance by Danyael to help domestic violence survivors to succeed.  I looked in the spot where it said other comments and suggestions and there it was plain as day.  “There is a place for you in Heaven Danyael.” That one sentence made me sit still and look at life in a different perspective. 

My life has changed in so many ways since March 17, 2007.  I can open my eyes and see life so differently.  I can appreciate the small things that I once took for granted.  When we live our lives in chaos, we miss the gifts that God has given us.  I had lost touch with, my friends and family, my independence, creativity and most of all my spirituality. 

Here I was chasing after someone that didn’t really have a clue what marriage and fidelity was all about.  I put my whole being, my love, my life into someone who didn’t deserve or understand the gift God had given him.  When we lose sight of God, we lose so much.  Even though the actions of my ex-husband and I were very different, we were alike in one way.  We did not give the glory and worship to God.  If I had looked to God first and followed his will for me, things could have been so different. 

I do realize that holding on to so much baggage can also cause us to be lost.  Since I decided that God would be first in my life no matter what happens or who comes into my life, my spirit has changed drastically.  I am learning to let go of those things that hold me captive to the past.  Those unspeakable deeds that have been done to me by people since childhood as well as unspeakable things I have done myself.  I am accepting that these things have happened to me but I don’t have to be a slave to it.  I can deal with those issues and move on.  I don’t know if I would be the person I am today if I had not gone through those things.

I do know that God has sent many people into this story I call my life who have helped me through ordeals, or gave me a push, or just a shoulder to cry on.  I am no longer afraid to admit that bad things have happened to me, but I can use those experiences to help someone else.  I don’t do things anymore to try to please someone or because someone will like me more.  I do these things because this is what God has put on my heart to do now that I am being obedient and listening to him. 

We all must began to embrace who we are for God made us just the way he wanted us to be.  So those words “There is a place for you in Heaven Danyael” resonates with me.  Only now that I have changed my whole life can I look at those words and really believe them.  I know that as long as I continue to do God’s work from my heart and not for greed, fame, or recognition that there is a place in heaven for me.

Danyael M. Cheairs

There came a time
when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom
Anais Nin

Stop Holding On To Anger

Are you mad? Are you are bitter? Do you hate someone? Do you feel wronged? Think about how that is affecting you; mind, body and soul. So the person that claimed they loved you left. The person who said they wouldn't hurt you did. The person that was supposed to be your friend stabbed you in the back. 

You can not control the actions of others unfortunately. I was taught this a few years ago. People are going to be who they are going to be. You did nothing to make them that way. They make their own decisions and plan their own actions.

What you have to learn is to stop giving these people your power. You are walking around here bitter and mad at the world. Guess what? They are going on about their lives without a care in the world. So holding on to this baggage is getting you no where.

I have had some people do some terrible things to me in my lifetime. I let it affect me deeply to the point where I took my health and many other things in my life for granted. I had to come to terms that I had to let the baggage go. I had to forgive those who had wronged me so that I could move on with my life.

I have wasted years of my life feeling sorry for myself. I figured out one thing and that is I can't do anything about the past. I can't change what has already happened. What I can do is change how I let those things affect me. In changing my outlook and moving past these issues, life has been so much better for me.

Stop holding on to that baggage. You can forgive but you definitely don't have to forget. Take back your life today. Take back your power today so you can start living. ~Danyael M. Cheairs

I Am No Longer Ashamed

For a long time, I have been ashamed of things that have happened to me in my past. People can make you feel this way when you are the victim. It is so easy to blame the victim because we do not want to believe the perpretrator can do anything wrong. They show themselves as being an upstanding person of the community. But abusers come in all forms whether sexual or physical. This is the role they play. They act one way in public and another way in private.

I have come to realize that I no longer have to be afraid or ashamed to speak up and say this is what happened. When I exposed one of my sexual abusers as a teenager, I was blamed by many family members. Many of them believed it was true, but they made it seem like I did something wrong to make this person do these things to me. Of course my being vulnerable and wanting to be liked by everyone, I did not fight it. We brushed it under the rug, but every time I came around, the tension was in the air. Especially since things happened that were out of my control and they were not convicted, but the allegations were substantiated.

Even though I was told by therapists that it was not my fault. Whether I was eight years old or fifteen years old, an adult took advantage of me. They are alone responsible for the choices they made. They zoomed in on what they thought were my weaknesses and used it for their own pleasure. I continued to go around my abusers because there was still the desire to be loved and wanted. I felt in order to be around the rest of my family or friends, I had no choice.

I made a decision about nine years ago to stop pretending. I was tired of putting on a facade like there was nothing wrong. I confronted my abuser even though nothing really came out of it. I chose to stop going around him for my sanity. In the meantime I lost relationships with other family members. But I knew that I needed to have a peace of mind. Of course I was still being called crazy and a liar and suicidal. Those things were far from the truth.

I am now at the point that I do not care what people think anymore. I am no longer afraid to speak up and say this is what this person did to me no matter how much they may deny it. No matter how much other do not believe me. I have nothing to gain by telling the truth. I am not crazy. I am not a liar. I am not suicidal.

There comes a time when you have to face the past and accept what has happened so you can move on. I am at a point in my life that I am able to sit in front of my abusers and not feel ashamed, scared, or disgusted. I decided to forgive so that I can move on. Their guilt is no longer my problem. They have to face me and deal with the decisions they made when they violated me. 

I hope this helps someone that has gone through this or going through this. If victims were not victimized all over again when exposing these abusers, many more would come forward. You do not have to be ashamed of what someone has done to you. You were the one who was violated.

SOME OF MY TOP SONGS FOR INSPIRATION

Happy Monday to everyone. I hope your weekend was great. I caught up on some much needed sleep.  I thought I would share some inspirational songs with you today to help you get through the week. I always felt that music does a lot for the soul. Sometimes we need an extra push to get us through the day dealing with so many trials and tribulations. I am sharing some of the songs that get me through the week. I hope these are inspirational to you.

Today i took it back from iamsomebodyorg

Domestic Violence Victims Should Not Have To Pay To Stay Safe

Change.org|Create a Petition         

 Hello I Am Somebody Organization Followers,

I just signed the following petition addressed to: Verizon Wireless.

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This summer, I got a phone call that nobody wants to receive; on the other end of the line between sobs I heard, "He beat me up." My sister had been attacked and beaten by her boyfriend and was in the emergency room.