I Decided I Was Tired

When my mother passed away unexpectedly in November, it was really devastating for me. My whole world changed. I had to change my whole way of thinking and how I view the world. I had to adjust to having another child in my house ( I had to take in my 10 year old sister). I expected my mother to be around another 30 to 40 years. But we can not control many things that happen in life.

My whole perspective on how I lived my life has changed. I realize that tomorrow may not be promised and we have to live accordingly.
With that being said and going through several months of deep depression (it's definitely a work in progress), I decided to get up and take my life back. Those that are close to me know that I have had not had a great life. I have been through trials and tribulations since I was a little girl and at times continue to go through things, but I have not let that stop me.

Last month I had to take a deep look at myself in the mirror and I decided that I was tired. I was tired of being bitter. I was tired of being depressed. I was tired of holding grudges against those that had done me wrong. I decided it was time for me to forgive, process and go through those issues, and let go for my sanity.

I realized that those that had done wrong to me would be dealt with. I no longer have to blame myself for what someone else did to me. It is not my fault. It was a choice they made to do wrong. I no longer have to punish myself. I did nothing to provoke those actions against myself. These people are who they are because that is a choice they made. I no longer have to live in that shadow.

I decided to let it all go. I can't go back to the past and change anything. I must live in the present and in order to do that I have to let that baggage go. I refuse to be prisoner to that garbage anymore. I can look in the mirror and know that I do matter and the past no longer defines me. I am looking forward to what the future holds without being bound by those chains. I decided to finally be FREE!