How do we balance yes and no appropriately? By saying no to the things that are not good for you, and yes to the things that are good for you.
Learning to establish boundaries is a big step in taking your power back from someone who has hurt you. It is sometimes very hard to set boundaries with people you love and care about. It is very important to not only set boundaries with an abuser but also with friends and family.
When you begin to set boundaries you will start to realize you are beginning to take your control back. Setting a boundary does not mean that you have to be mean and vindictive. It just means that you are standing up for yourself.
There are so many times we are taken advantage of. It may be that we do not want to hurt others' feelings or we want to be loved and accepted. So we feel that we need to take care of everyone and say yes all the time. We do not want to rock the boat or challenge someone when something is wrong.
You must realize that it is okay to say no sometimes. It is okay to not take on everyone else's problems. You have to learn to take care of you and to love yourself. It is not being selfish, it is preserving yourself. You will never be happy if you run yourself into the ground trying to prove that you are this super person.
Trust me, that person you say no to will be okay. They may not like the fact that you are setting up boundaries, but this is about self love and empowerment. The only person that you need to answer to is yourself.
When you start setting those boundaries up, you will find that it will not be easy. It is hard to stop doing something we have done most of our lives. You can start by just taking baby steps. You will be surprised at how easy it gets each time. We teach others how to treat us.
If you would like to request permission to use this article for reprint, please email me at dcheairs@iamsomebodyorg.org.
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